writing tips i wish i'd known on day one

We’ve seen them all, haven’t we? I’d need as many hands as a centipede has legs to count how many writing tips I’ve encountered and pondered over. Some were helpful; others weren’t. Most of what I know about writing I learnt from reading obsessively and spending an insane amount of time writing absolute garbage. Practice is vital: nothing makes for a better writer than writing itself—but still, even at the risk of adding to the mighty sea of advice, here are five of my own writing tips that I wish I’d known from day one.

 

Treat it like a real job.

Give your writing the time, effort, and respect as you would any other job. Show up or get fired. Develop a schedule. Stick to a routine. Write on a regular basis. Whether that’s a few hours in the morning before your day has begun or late at night when everyone else has ‘left the building’. Find what works for you. COMMIT. Treating it the way you’d treat a paid 9-5 job will beget dedication. The difference is this is something you’ve chosen because you are presumably passionate about it. Let that motivate you.

 

Use everything as research material.

I mean EVERYTHING. Had your heart broken? Lost a job? Grieving a loss? Been depressed? Harness that raw emotion and make it bow to your will. Draw on those experiences—the good and the bad (especially the bad)—and douse your writing with real and complex situations and reactions. This raw aspect of the human experience will make your story immersive and compelling, resonating with readers.

 

Forget the Muse.

It’s romantic as fuck to imagine ourselves as struggling artists. Like Shakespeare living by his pen, waiting for the beguiling Muse to whisper iambic verse into his ear. But Shakespeare likely knew the score—he was prolific as all hell. And to be a prolific, consistent, full-time writer means giving the Muse the middle finger—she’s tardy and unreliable. YOU’RE the writer. You’re the one that has to put in the hours and get the job done. Don’t wait for inspiration. Go and grab it by the balls.

 

Finish what you start.

We’re writers. We’re idea MACHINES. No sooner have we started one shiny new project do we have another idea beckoning at our writerly door. Ignore it. Tell it you’re not home. Send it to voicemail. Seriously. Ideas are brilliant but they’re a dime a dozen. They’re easy to come by. You know what isn’t easy to come by? A finished novel. So get writing. Create an idea bank and store that shit up. Treat it like a savings account and only dip in when you need to. When you’ve started a shiny new project, commit to it. Hell, marry it! And be faithful. See it through. Otherwise, you’ll end up with fifty-two incomplete files of three-chapter books, all of which have lost their sparkle. Completion is key.

 

Do it your way.

Yes, there are approximately 49 trillion rules out there for writing. By all means, learn some of them. But by no means do you HAVE to adhere to them. Do whatever works for you and for the story you have to tell. Then perfect it. Outside of grammar, punctuation, being well-read, and having a fierce grasp of language, there is no real rule to the art of self-expression.

 

What writing tips have worked for you? Which of them will you never get on board with? Let me know in the comments.

seven things I wish I'd known when I was younger

Life is full of lessons. Unfortunately, there’s no handbook. And let’s be real: even if there was one, we probably wouldn’t read it. We’d struggle along anyway, convinced that we know the ins and outs without the need for instructions, setting up our lives like it’s nothing more than a bookshelf from IKEA. Still, there are a few lessons I wish I’d been privy to. It would have saved me time. It would have saved me all those years ‘in the trenches’ with nothing but my self-doubt for company. Here are seven things I wish I’d known when I was younger.

 

1. Take Chances

There are a million reasons not to try. You could fill a stadium with those reasons: What if it’s the wrong decision? What if you’re not good enough? What if you fail? If you never try, that’s the same as failure. Success is rooted in taking chances. Don’t wait for permission. You may not get it—nor do you need it.

 

2. Don’t Wait

It’s easy to put off doing the things you want to do simply out of complacency. Don’t wait until you’re ready. You’ll never be ready. Ready is a perpetually mythical state of being, much like the notion of ‘One day…’ It simply doesn’t exist. There’s only now.

 

3. Do the Work

How many times have you told yourself ‘I really want to XYZ, if only I had the time/skills/money/[insert excuse here]’? It’s a hard lesson to learn but despite the reasons we concoct for ourselves—often so legitimately constructed that we start to believe them—the only thing holding us back is ourselves. If you’ve got something you want to do, do it. Don’t invent obstacles. Instead, take steps to get to where you want to be. Inspiration won’t show up unless you do. Dreams won’t work unless you do. Do the work.

 

4. Don’t Live According to Someone Else

Family, friends, and society in general, all have an ideal when it comes to how we should be living. There is no shortage of expectations—and if/when you go against the grain, be prepared for some major backlash and guilt. But do it anyway. If you want something that is seen to be outside of the norms, this response is inevitable. Just remember: no one else can or should determine what you do with your time or your life. Live according to your wants and needs and let other people’s opinions take a backseat.

 

5. Don’t Let Fear Dictate

Fear of failure or even (mind-blowingly) fear of success can cripple you. Don’t let it. Acknowledge the fact that fear is an absolutely routine factor when undertaking something new. Be afraid—but don’t let it stop you; let it challenge you.

 

6. Embrace Change

Changes are inevitable. Don’t fight them. Changes—be it changes within yourself or someone close to you, or even changes in your circumstances—can leave you feeling lost or have you hankering for the past like a nostalgic dreamer. The past is gone. It’s okay to open yourself to new interests and new people. Treasure your old memories but allow yourself to make new ones.

 

7. Acknowledge Your Differences

It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to be the odd one out. From an early age, we’re programmed with the need to ‘fit in’. With adulthood comes a liberating sense of self that can override that need. Embrace who you are and nurture your individuality. Carve your own path.

tools for writers

Writing a book is a long, hard process often requiring nothing more than imagination and sheer determination to see your story through to completion. If you have this outlook, great. You’re well on your way. Chances are however, you’ll want to make your story the best it can be, and even then, finishing the book isn’t even the hardest part. (I know, I didn’t believe it at first either!) After writing the damn book, there’s editing, proofreading, formatting, cover design, publishing, and marketing. Oh, and more editing. And unfortunately, there are a million ways in which it can go wrong during the process. Happily, we live in the digital age and have access to some amazing resources and tools for writers.

 

From the initial spark of an all-new brilliant idea through to getting your books into the hands of readers, there are millions of websites offering information on how to tackle it all. Sometimes, the range of information is more overwhelming and contradicting than it is helpful. I’ve been there. I’ve spent hours and hours sailing the sea of content. There are a ton of sites and tools for writers out there, claiming to change the way I write or publish or market my work. Here are those I’ve found most helpful. This list is broken into two sections: Tips for Writers and Tools for Writers. It is by no means exhaustive—I’m sure there are many sites I’ve overlooked or am yet to stumble upon—but this is what works for me. I hope some of you will find them useful too.

 

TIPS FOR WRITERS

While I’ve read a lot of available content, nothing has been as helpful as these five listed below. I return to these websites time and time again and find them to be a helping hand on the writer’s rocky path.

 

1. NATHAN BRANSFORD

Nathan Bransford is a writer and former agent. His blog is a one-stop motherlode of writerly advice, from how to outline and plan a novel to the dreaded task of agent-querying and publishing. He tackles both routes: traditional and self-publishing, offering insight into the overwhelming task that is putting your book out into the world. I highly recommend his book How To Write a Novel — read a review here.

 

2. JOANNA PENN FROM THE CREATIVE PENN

The Creative Penn is another treasure trove of resources. If you’re looking to self-publish your books, this is recommended reading, with tips on everything from editing your book to how to market it. Joanna Penn also has several books available (both non-fiction and fiction) and runs a podcast with helpful interviews. I recently read The Successful Author Mindset which is a book on overcoming some of the inevitable obstacles as a writer and found it to be inspiring. She also hosts several live Q and A sessions on Facebook.

 

3. JOEL FRIEDLANDER FROM THE BOOK DESIGNER

This website was my go-to for book formatting tips. Until reading several posts on how to professionally format a book (both paperback and digital), I never knew just how many ways there are to get it wrong. Thankfully, with the plethora of advice from this website and a bit of patience and hard work, you can get your book looking not just ‘nice’ but professionally made.

 

4. DEREK MURPHY AT CREATIVINDIE

Creativindie is a recent find for me and I wish I’d discovered it sooner. Derek Murphy’s advice on book cover design is helpful and insightful, and it drove me to redesign the cover of my first romantic suspense novel. He points out that covers should make an emotional impact, which is not new information, but it IS something I initially overlooked, even as an avid reader. His site is packed with tips and secrets on cover design, publishing, and writing, and a primary feature is the innovative marketing advice. (If you’re an indie author, I would highly recommend reading: Book Cover Design Secrets and Guerrilla Publishing.)

 

5. NICK STEPHENSON AND YOUR FIRST 10K READERS

When Nick Stephenson explained funnel marketing, I felt for the first time that I had hope. Not only that, but implementing this method of marketing frees up time for the other parts of the writer’s job including, of course, writing. His methods will ensure that you aren’t spending wasted hours on social media or signing up for tweet blasts and the like. Not that those methods are inherently wrong or pointless, but put simply, building an email list and gaining a wider readership go hand in hand. Nick explains this in a way that made sense to even a marketing noob like me.

 

TOOLS FOR WRITERS

DISCLAIMER: THE WEBSITES MENTIONED BELOW ARE NOT AFFILIATED, ENDORSED, OR SPONSORED. I SIMPLY LOVE THESE TOOLS, I USE THEM ON A REGULAR BASIS, AND I BELIEVE THEY’LL PROVE USEFUL TO OTHER WRITERS.

When it comes to tools for writers, you may notice that this list is missing the gem of the writer’s arsenal. This is because the tool in question (and one of the best writing tools out there) is downloadable software as opposed to an online site. The brilliant writer’s-dream program I’m talking about is, of course, Scrivener (total god-send). There is a discussion entirely dedicated to this marvellous program here: Is Scrivener Any Good? (Spoiler: Yes.) For a list of other helpful tools for writers, keep reading. 

 

6. 750 WORDS

Need a writing boost? If you’re struggling to meet your daily writing goal or if you want to establish a habit of writing every day, this site is a fun way to do it. Writing might well be a joy for most of us, but it can still be hard to keep the momentum going day after day after day. This site gives you extra incentive. Is it silly? Maybe. Fun? Yes. Helpful? YES. You’ll be surprised just how much weight a stupid badge can carry. You get one badge for a daily streak. You get more if your streak is longer. Add to that, this site offers a distraction-free interface on which to write. No buttons, no links. Just white space for you to fill with unfiltered words. And if you’re a stats nerd, you’re in luck. The site also analyses your daily writing, including how you write, how often you got distracted, words-per-minute, feelings and themes, and a bunch more. I’ve used it for brainstorming and journalling but there are no rules. You can also export everything you write to a text document.

 

7. ONE LOOK REVERSE DICTIONARY

Ever stuck for the perfect word? Of course you are, you’re a writer. But what about those moments where the word is on the tip of your tongue but for the life of you, you can’t think of it. You know EXACTLY what the word means and what you’re trying to sum up, but the word itself is failing you. One option is to stick in an X or an asterisk or question mark and return to it later. OR you could turn to your trusty thesaurus. But this nifty little search tool might be able to take it a step further. You type in a word or a phrase and voila! Words-R-Us. It can be a bit hit and miss, but hey, desperate times…

 

8. GRAMMARLY

Despite becoming infuriated with their incessant advertising on pretty much every YouTube video ever (and then some), I can’t deny how useful this program actually is. More than a basic spell checker, it does live up to the hype. Whilst no replacement for a human proofreader, it does detect most grammar, punctuation, and (of course) spelling issues, whilst doing double-duty as a thesaurus as well. Perfect for cleaning up those drafts at the end of a couple of rounds of edits (if only to avoid having to read your manuscript yet again). There’s also an extension available for Chrome which is great when posting updates or blog posts online or sending emails. You can also add the extension to Microsoft Word.

 

9. PACEMAKER

If you’ve ever participated in Nanowrimo, I don’t need to tell you just how much of an incentive a word count tracker can be. This free online tool allows you to chart your daily progress not just in November, but every month of the year. It has a clever function that allows you to change your pacing—Bite the Bullet mode for those writers who like to get their words down in big chunks before the momentum wears off, or Oscillating mode for alternating heavy and light workloads. Word count goals can be set to automatically alter depending on your progress, keeping you on target and making sure you account for the days when your imaginary friends aren’t talking to you.

 

10. CANVA

Ever wanted to produce perfect images with your own branding and unique flair? Without having to wrangle the beautiful monster that is Photoshop and without producing something that looks like your cat went nuts inside the Paint program? If yes, go sign up with Canva for free. There are templates available for everything from blog post banners to social media images (all in the correct size for each platform) and even basic book covers. Canva’s drag-and-drop user-friendly site will have you churning out graphic after graphic, without giving you a headache.

 

11. Evernote

Remember the days when scattered thoughts on Post-It notes gusted around you like a personal mini cyclone? No? Me neither. It’s been that long. These days, every wish and whim and million-dollar idea can be typed into remarkable programs like Evernote, a program designed for use on the web, or on your computer or mobile devices. It stores every note as a drag-and-drop document which you can store in separate notebooks or even notebook stacks but it does this on a single screen. The organisation level of this app is brilliant—it updates your notes on the fly. I don’t even have to hit save (does loving this make me ridiculous? I mean, it’s one tap!) Seriously though, Evernote’s synchronisation—not just when it comes to saving your work, but syncing between multiple devices—is fast and reliable. There are several apps out there offering similar functions, right down to the standard notes app on your smartphone, but for me, Evernote takes the cake.

 

12. TODOIST

My personal favourite (read: could-never-function-without-it). For me, this tool is my go-to for ideas, reminders, appointments, and (obviously) tasks to do, so for me, Todoist does double duty as a calendar. It’s the first thing I open in the morning (other than my eyes, that is) and yes, even before Facebook! *gasps all round* The app is available online but you can also use it on any device—the synchronisation between devices is seamless. It allows you to create projects, even a hierarchy of projects if your little heart desires, and each task can also contain sub-tasks if needed. I use mine for everything from blog scheduling, marketing, and writing tasks to the more mundane like domestic errands (yawn). My favourite function within the app is the ability to add recurring tasks by simply typing a short command. For example, I can type: schedule book review ev second tue. This simple addition on the end will set my task as recurring for every second Tuesday of every month. If I needed a specific date for every month until the end of time, it’d be as simple as: payment due ev 30. Handy, right? I used to think that keeping a to-do list was redundant—that in the time it takes to list something, I could have finished it. It simply isn’t true. Keeping a task list helps you put everything you need to do out of your head, allowing you to focus on one thing at a time.

 

I hope some of these tools for writers will prove as useful for you as they are for me. Let me know if I’ve missed any important ones and tell me what tools you can’t live without.

 

If you like this post, share it with someone who might find it helpful.

The Successful Author Mindset by Joanna Penn

GENRE: Non-Fiction | PAGES: —

My rating: ★★★★★

The Successful Author Mindset is as insightful as it is inspiring. It is so inspiring in fact, that it might actually be a hug disguised as a book. It’s also a treasure trove of quotes from other writers and professionals that’ll make you feel as though you’re doing something right if only because you resonate with the things they say. (There are days when this is all I can hang on to.)

“I’m afraid of failing at whatever story I’m writing—that it won’t come up for me, or that I won’t be able to finish it.” — Stephen King

More than that, though, The Successful Author Mindset is, as the title suggests, a book that maps out and offers guidance on some of the inner pitfalls of writer life—common writer problems such as the need for validation, creative block, and the infamous champion of them all: self-doubt. Along with well-selected quotes from other creatives, each topic is also accompanied by an excerpt from the author’s personal journals, documenting her thoughts, before moving on to an antidote that might help others to move past these problems.

Joanna Penn’s advice has always been my go-to in terms of the helpful writing and marketing tips she freely shares on her website The Creative Penn. But this book is not a book of tips. Instead, this is a (much-needed) look at the journey of a writer—and the inevitable trials along the way.

We have to learn to self-validate, to understand that the writing process is the point, rather than the reception of our work or the rewards that may or may not come. We need to nourish ourselves with the practice of creation. — Joanna Penn

I’d recommend this to any writer feeling the strain of self-doubt or the fear of failure. Some of us are lucky enough to be confident about ourselves and the work we create. For the rest of us, thankfully, there are books like this one.

 

See all reviews

 

 The Successful Author Mindset

 

Being a writer is not just about typing. It’s also about surviving the roller-coaster of the creative journey. Self-doubt, fear of failure, the need for validation, perfectionism, writer’s block, comparisonitis, overwhelm, and much more. When you’re going through these things, it can feel like you’re alone. But actually, they are part of the creative process, and every author goes through them too. This book collects the mindset issues that writers experience, that I have been through myself over the last nine years, and that perhaps you will experience at different times on the creative journey. Each small chapter tackles a possible issue and then offers an antidote, so that you can dip in and out over time. It includes excerpts from my own personal journals as well as quotes from well-known writers. I hope it helps you on the road to becoming a successful author.

is Scrivener any good

Have you heard of Scrivener yet? Or have you heard of it and are wondering, Is Scrivener any good? 

Well, in short: it’s one of the best (read: unrivalled) writing tools there is. And if you haven’t heard about it on the writerly grapevine yet, first: where the hell have you been? And second: calm down—I’m not judging; I only began using it myself about two years ago. 🙂

Now, the sceptics among you are probably thinking:

A writing tool? A new-age techie piece of software that’s supposed to help you WRITE? Pfft. I spit on it. Charles Dickens didn’t use Scrivener and he did alright for himself.

Well… I hear you. In fact, I WAS you. Two years ago I came across an article about it and promptly ignored it. The second time it happened I checked it out… you know, for curiosity’s sake. Nothing else, of course. As far as I was concerned, the only thing I needed to write was my over-active imagination and a pen… I’d have written my entire novel on my arm if I’d had to. Of course, in this day and age when I say pen, I actually mean an over-priced laptop and two ridiculously over-priced Apple devices.

But yes, know that I ‘get you’. I, too, didn’t need fancy software. Microsoft Word was good enough for the last ten years so y’know, if ain’t broke… Then someone shared a price deal: half-priced Scrivener!

I still don’t NEED this, I mumbled to myself as I clicked it. I’m a real writer.

Ha Ha - Nelson, The Simpsons
Source: Simpsons Wiki

What the hell did I know?

Scrivener has changed the way I write. The learning curve is a little steep and it isn’t a magical fix for writer’s block nor is it a fairy who will finish your novel overnight (wouldn’t that be great?), but Scrivener DOES have some brilliant features to make the writer’s job a little easier.

Here are eleven of many:

1. Organisation with the binder

Scrivener’s ability to organise your work will revolutionise the way you write. Gone are the days of highlighting chunks of words and cutting and pasting a scene into what you hope is the right place within your manuscript. Fifth time’s the charm, right? In fact, I remember actual cutting and taping during a hard-copy edit. *shudder* Scrivener allows you to simply craft each scene as a new text document and drag-and-drop at will. Whilst you can recreate a similar setup with separate documents in Word, the difference with Scrivener is that having each scene or chapter as a separate document doesn’t mean having to click away and open each file in a new window. Everything you need is within a single screen; you need only select your scene from the Binder to view it. Another advantage of this is being able to tackle your story in bite-sized chunks instead of being faced with a 50K-word-strong document every time you sit down to write. Every little helps.

is Scrivener any good

 

2. Research Folder

This feature is an absolute gem. All that planning, and brainstorming, and collecting of pictures and random notes—there’s a dedicated place for it within Scrivener. Once again taking organisation to new heights, the Research section means you have all of your random brain sneezes in one handy spot whilst still using a hierarchy of files/folders which are accessible on one main screen. I use mine for character profiles and images, world building and maps, plotting, outlining, actual research notes, website clips and screenshots and videos—there’s no limit to what you can keep in this section and no limit on the type of media either.

is Scrivener any good

 

3. Labels, Status, and Custom Metadata

Here’s where Scrivener shows off, and rightly so. For every scene or chapter you write, you can label it and give it a status. I use my labels for POVs (point of view) and my status refers to the stage in the writing process—to do; in progress; first draft; first revision, etc. If the idea of this bores you to tears, rest assured, it’s entirely optional. If you’re anything like me, rest assured, there’s more… Alongside labels and status, you can also customise metadata. Meta whatnow? Basically, you can create a custom label for anything you wish to track. For instance, within my current manuscript, I track characters and location. This might seem excessive but if I enter this information as I’m writing or editing, I can come back to it later and with only a simple glance in Outliner mode (see below), I know exactly where each scene is taking place and which characters are involved—without having to wrack my brain or read the entire piece. You could also set up something similar for time of day/week to easily track your timeline. The possibilities are endless.

is Scrivener any good

 

is Scrivener any good

 

4. Versatile Modes

Scrivener has a number of tools you’d have to otherwise recreate outside of your manuscript’s file. For instance, I’ve seen other writers create storyboards using post-it notes, corkboards, flashcards—you name it. This is great if the manual act benefits your creative process. On the other hand, if you do it because you believe there’s no other option, I have good news: Scrivener will do it for you. And you need only enter your information once to view it in a number of ways—or even side by side.

 

a) The Corkboard

This is brilliant when you’re beginning a new project. Simply create a new index card on your corkboard for each new event and plot point in your book. As you progress, you can add more, outlining entire scenes and dragging-and-dropping to your heart’s content.

is Scrivener any good

 

b) The Outliner

Everything you’ve written on your index card is viewable as a synopsis of your scene. You can select which additional fields are displayed by selecting from the drop-down arrow for everything from Title and Synopsis to Word Count and Status. This is where all that custom metadata comes in really handy, creating an excellent overview of your entire project.

is Scrivener any good

 

c) Scrivenings

If you really prefer to view your project in one long scary flow of words, there’s an option to do that. You still get the benefits of the Binder but with the familiarity of a Microsoft Word-esque interface.

is Scrivener any good

 

d) Split View

For the writer who wants to have his cake and eat it, there’s split view. Here’s an example of it—with a vertical split screen between Corkboard mode and the Editor.

is Scrivener any good

 

5. Distraction-free Mode

Speaking of work modes, there’s a handy little tool for full-screen mode. You can even modify your background with a picture of your own to keep you inspired. You can access a number of features in this mode, including the Binder for navigating between scenes, but ultimately, this is where you can knuckle down and bang out those words.

is Scrivener any good

 

6. Progress bar

Whilst you’re banging out words, Scrivener has a neat tool to track all that hard work—and provide a little extra motivation. The Project Targets function has two separate trackers. The first is for your overall project target and the second is your session target. For every session, the bar fills as you type, changing from red to green. Same goes for your overall project goal. This is a small feature which might not appeal to everyone but for those of us who love trackers, having one that’s already built into our writing program is cause for celebration. For me, word count trackers are like personal cheerleaders. Writing a book is a long, sometimes gruelling process; during the times it feels like I’m getting nowhere, trackers help to make my progress measurable. (I just recently passed my target for my current WIP: Immisceo, book one in a new fantasy series.)

is Scrivener any good

 

7. Notes and Scratch Pad

Alongside comments and annotations (both of which work in similar ways to MS Word’s comment system), Scrivener also has a Notes feature at the bottom of the Inspector. For any given text document (scene/chapter), you are able to jot notes without affecting the text. You can also toggle between document notes (a single scene) and project notes (viewable from within any scene). Scratch Pad is brilliant in that all notes created here (in a separate smaller window) are stored independently, which means you can access them from within two or more separate projects. Handy for reference notes that pertain to multiple projects.

is Scrivener any good

 

8. Snapshots

This is another feature within the Inspector. If you hit the + button on the Snapshots tab, it’ll save the current version of your scene (like a snapshot) before you whip out your ‘knife’ to begin carving. Does this seem redundant? Perhaps. But it also means that even after you’ve edited and/or deleted several paragraphs, even after you’ve saved and overwritten and backed up your project, you could still come back weeks later, having changed your mind, and be able to view or roll back to the initial version of that scene. Cool, huh?

is Scrivener any good

 

9. Icons

This one might not be groundbreaking but I love it. Scrivener allows you to edit the icons of every document. There are already a lot to choose from (not all shown below) but you can also add your own custom icons. Within my research folder, I tend to choose icons based on the type of document—character, place, world, magic (custom-added). Within my manuscript, I find it handy to use icons alongside the status metadata. I do this with colour-coded flag icons or custom-added status icons.

is Scrivener any good

 

10. Export Capabilities

Scrivener will export your work into multiple formats including MS Word docs, Mobi for Kindle, and ePub files. You can export your entire project, or you can select only certain documents for compilation. You can even compile a (detailed) synopsis based on your outline. When compiling your manuscript for ebook, you will need to tweak the formatting; and for print books, you will (like I did) probably need to do extensive formatting within Word (or InDesign). However, I’ve used Scrivener for KDP Mobi file output and it is absolutely error-free. So far. (Free tip: You might want to ignore that Times 12pt.)

is Scrivener any good

 

11. iOS App syncing

Finally, as a bonus point: mobile functionality. The Scrivener app for iOS is relatively new and it has been a long time (apparently) in the making. It was well worth the wait. The app (I’m using it right now to write this post) is powerful and bug-free (so far). It syncs seamlessly with Dropbox so all your projects can stay up to date across all devices. While there are several features which, understandably, did not make the move to mobile, Scrivener iOS has all the main functionality of the desktop version and happily, it has put my novel at my fingertips whilst on the go (or—let’s be real—in bed). No more excuses!

is Scrivener any good

 

is Scrivener any good

 

So, is Scrivener any good?

Yes. It is a powerhouse of a writing tool. It can be daunting when you first venture in, and unlike most basic word processing programs, the learning curve is quite high. I’ve been using it for two years and there are still things I’m just learning to do or quite possibly, am yet to discover.

If you have it and you’re put off by the sheer number of functions, I’d say: muddle through anyway. The hassle is well worth it. Once you get to grips with it, you’ll wonder how you ever wrote without it.

You can get Scrivener at Literature and Latte.

For tips on using Scrivener, here are some helpful resources:

Learn Scrivener Fast 
Gwen Hernandez 

If you like this post, share it with someone who might find it helpful.

inner critic - ignore it and stay true to your story's character

It’s something of a mystery how fictional characters are created. Sometimes they appear in fully fleshed-out scenes, doing ridiculous or unspeakable things. Other times, it begins with a stray thought or line of dialogue, revealing both character and story in serialised tidbits. 

Personally, I like to get to know my character before delving into their story. But often, I’ve found that regardless of how I envisioned his path, the character will go his own way, mapping out a story or subplot I never planned on.

When I started out, I was more of a pantser than a plotter anyway (which is writer’s lingo for ‘winging it’ vs. ‘getting your shit together’. No offence to the pantsers of the world.) My first book (a contemporary romantic suspense novel) changed as I wrote it, partly because I took sooooooo long to write it I actually grew up (debatable), and partly because I didn’t have the faintest idea of where I was going with the story.

The upside of this is that the story progressed organically. It became more focused on the underlying issues and emotions of its characters rather than the incredibly (read: embarrassingly) fluffy romance I’d initially started.

Of course, my main character changed too.

As I brought the two sisters of the book alive, the girl with the problems and the attitude (Brooke) became more interesting to me. I wanted to see where she’d take me, how she would deal with her inner turmoil, what made her the way she’d turned out to be when I saw her true colours in my mind’s eye. 

When I first got a glimpse of who she really was, I was intrigued and appalled. In that order. That all too familiar inner critic zeroed in on everything wrong with my creation and began hacking it to pieces. 

On the outside, Brooke is a beautiful young woman. Yet, underneath that, she is everything the human eye turns away from. She is a promiscuous, somewhat depressed, borderline alcoholic. Her introspective tendencies, the built-in need to suppress her emotions and shut out the world, is self-sabotaging, damaging herself and the relationships she has with those closest to her. 

I loved her damaged soul immediately but ultimately, I was worried that the story was too bleak, the topic too sensitive.

Then I wrote it anyway.

And I’m glad I did.

The work of the Inner Critic

Too often, writers censor themselves; paranoid, self-conscious, crippled by self-doubt and the reaction of the reader. If I’d paid too much attention to my inner critic or the presumed criticisms of an easily offended would-be reader, Brooke might never have been brought to life. 

‘… if it were not written rather faster than the fastest typewriting, if I had stopped and took thought, it would never have been written at all.’ — Virginia Woolf, A Writer’s Diary

Imagine a world of literature written by self-censoring writers too afraid to write the stories that matter. There would be no books about illness and death, or crime, or war, or *gasp* all-out taboo. More to the point, the memorable and often treasured characters of these books would cease to exist. Every flawed or troubled character would have been wiped from the page or never written at all. There would be no Esther Greenwood (The Bell Jar), Holden Caulfield (The Catcher in the Rye), Hazel Grace Lancaster (The Fault In Our Stars) or Scarlett O’Hara (Gone with the Wind). OR, there might have been a happier, unburdened, 2D version of them. 

This thought doesn’t warm the cockles of my heart. Far from it. It reeks of false hope and lacks all truth because the real world is not all beauty. Side by side with the wonder that is our existence lies a very real cruelty. A cruelty that breaks our fragile human bodies and spirits, while never quite extinguishing our innate sense of persistence and survival. This journey is a story in the making, and each of us, fictional or otherwise deal with strife in different ways. Not all characters are born to be Pollyanna.

As strange as it might seem to the non-writer folk, characters—on the whole—write themselves. I didn’t exactly plan to write a book with a central focus on the aftermath of abuse—but Brooke became so real to me that, at times, it was like she was whispering her story in my ear. For me, that is the magical part of writing.

So, if your current project demands a character whose story isn’t pretty, or easy to swallow, or whose actions or morals are a little (or a lot) askew—

Roll with it.

Embrace it. Enjoy it. Write the crap out of it. 

Don’t let your inner critic determine what you write. Stay true to your story’s characters.

how do I become a writer

What’s the best thing about being a writer?

My serious answer to this is that there’s nothing more fulfilling than doing what you love. My REAL answer is that there’s nothing more fulfilling than having a job where ‘pyjamas-all-day’ is practically required.

 

Why a writer?

It was never really about choosing to be a writer. I simply am one. I grew up in love with books and words and began writing my own stories as far back as I can remember. The only part I ever really chose was deciding to follow my passion and then dedicating myself to it.

 

Where do you get your ideas?

Everywhere. I don’t know if it’s a writer thing or a personality thing—maybe a little of both, but I find ideas for stories everywhere. From big life events and drama and dreams to people-watching from my third-floor flat window and eavesdropping during public transport ‘adventures’. Books are an endless source of inspiration. You should never, under any circumstances, copy the work of other writers, but reading books will undoubtedly spark a thought or an idea, and the wonderful notion of ‘what if’ will help that idea grow into something original and unique to you. The ideas are easy. There are perhaps too many ideas flitting around in my head. The more difficult part is knowing which idea is good enough to pursue. Which one is good enough to make a story worthy of the reader. Usually, it’s the idea that never leaves. If you can’t stop thinking about it; if it haunts your days and keeps you awake at night; if you feel yourself bursting with the need to get the story out of you—that’s the idea worth writing about.

 

Why did you self-publish?

In two words: Creative control.

Long answer: There is a plethora of content around, discussing the pros and cons of traditional vs. self-publishing. As far as I can see, there is no right or wrong path. It is as personal as writing is. For me, after months of research, I opted for the path that would allow me to keep my book rights, give my book an unlimited ‘shelf life’, and give me control over content, cover choices, and deadlines. And the biggest bonus of all? Time. The instantaneous wonder of self-publishing is the perk to end all perks, allowing writers to share their work with readers as soon as it is ready, with no gatekeeper deciding where and when or even if.

 

How do I become a writer?

Simple. Just write.

As Neil Gaiman said, it’s one word after another until it’s done. It’s that easy, and that hard.

Reading any and everything you come across is a necessity—how else will you ever know what makes a good story (and a bad one)? Classes and lessons on writing can be helpful but reading is fun, free, easy, and irreplaceable. Books are your most valuable tool and any writer worth his or her salt will tell you this. Reading will help broaden your experience, your vocabulary, and your appreciation for what makes a good book just that. However, the single most important thing I believe you need is: perseverance. It is what I lacked in the early stages. It’s why it took me so long to finish writing a single book. Free tip? Never wait for inspiration to come knocking on your door. Inspiration will not plop you in front of your computer and dictate word after word. More than half the time, inspiration (fickle bastard that it is) doesn’t bother showing up until you do. Relying on a creative muse is a sure-fire way to prolong your work process. It just doesn’t work. What does work is mustering the self-motivation to show up, do the work, and keep going. Keep going until you reach the very end of a single project, even when your muse is missing in action. Even when other ideas are beckoning—jot them down and file them away for later. Even when you’re knee-deep in housework and errands—it will all still be there when you’re done writing. Even when your spouse is wondering why there’s baked beans on toast for dinner, again. He’ll live.

When the idea of writing or editing has become your personal hell—and it will—as you read your manuscript for the twentieth time, remember: let nothing or no one deter you from your goal, especially yourself. Self-doubt is a part of the job description, and whilst often crippling, use it to your advantage instead and strive for improvement. Just keep going.

 

How do I self-publish?

Research, research, research. It’s the only way to truly know if self-publishing is the right path for you. If it is, thecreativepenn.com is a great resource for starting out, with everything from self-publishing tips to establishing your brand and marketing.

I use Scrivener for writing but there’s also a built-in function for exporting your finished manuscript as Mobi, ePub, Docx, and PDF files, which you’ll need to publish your work as an e-book and paperback. There are plenty of options other than Scrivener for this, some of which are free, like Reedsy, but I can’t fault the Scrivener software. 

Whilst publishing my first book, I found thebookdesigner.com to be a handy collection of articles on formatting the Docx file before converting to PDF, with brilliant tips on gutter margins, headers, pagination, and front- and back-matter. Even if you think you already know everything there is about good ol’ Microsoft Word, these articles will still prove useful for learning about the standard and correct layout of a paperback book (there was a hell of a lot more to it than I ever thought possible).

Canva and Gimp are brilliant free tools for DIY cover design. Always check copyright when using images—Creative Commons images are your friend. Pixabay is just one of the many sites with Creative Commons images for cover work, which do not need attribution and/or are free for commercial use. There are several paid sites featuring stock photography too, but this depends on your budget. If you can afford it, hiring a professional cover artist is highly recommended.

Self-publishing is a lot of work (and don’t get me started on marketing!) but it is ultimately rewarding, and since I didn’t have any budget to speak of to hire professional help, my bonus is the sense of achievement for having done it all myself. Eventually.

 

Is it all worth it?

More than I could ever imagine. Doing something you love is always worth it and overcoming the inevitable obstacles on the way makes the reward that much sweeter.

 

Will it make me rich?

You’re in the wrong industry. If you’re looking to get rich, look elsewhere. Writers hardly ever strike it rich, especially in the beginning. The outliers like traditionally published Rowling and King or the self-published authors, like Hugh Howey and Amanda Hocking, took years to build what they have, and even then, there’s no guarantee of becoming like them in terms of monetary gain. That’s not to say it won’t happen. No one can predict the success of a book or its author. Rather than paying attention to market trends, I try to focus instead on crafting the best version of the story I want to tell, staying true to myself and that story, firmly believing (if a little naïvely) that if a book is engaging, and you have discovered some means of promotion, your work will eventually find an audience.

If you’re truly in this for the joy of writing, the riches are in the form of knowing your stories are reaching and resonating with readers. For me, that’s the real success. Everything else is frosting on an already delicious cake.

 

Recommended reading for writers:

On Writing by Stephen King
How to Write a Novel by Nathan Bransford
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

Recommended websites for writers:

Nathan Bransford
The Creative Penn – Joanna Penn
The Book Designer – Joel Friedlander
Nick Stephenson
Jane Friedman
Anne R Allen
Jenna Moreci

 

“I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide.”

—Harper Lee, author of To Kill a Mockingbird

 

10 Things a Writer Says and What It REALLY Means

1. Writing a book

Having a half-formed idea for a story which you scribble about for several weeks/months/years, with no real clue about what you are doing until you have already done it.

2. Editing a manuscript

Sitting in front of the computer in your pyjamas, pulling your hair out, whilst swearing and deleting stuff, wondering whether you even understand the concept of the written word.

3. Doing research for a book

Alternating between Facebook, Twitter and your project, gathering notes and screenshots, with a Google search history that places you in the same category as a spy/scientist/historian/superhero/sex addict/crazy person/murderer [delete where appropriate].

4. Querying agents (for the traditional authors)

Perfecting a letter that could get you elected as president. Emailing said letter to a literary agent, attaching your ACTUAL soul (the manuscript). Entertaining various mental states as you wait for rejection, then repeating the entire process. Times INFINITY. 

5. Building an author platform

Standing in a small, holey bucket in a sea of internet content, screaming ‘Look at me!’ at passing seagulls.

6. Marketing a book

Running yourself ragged, reading every article known to humanity on marketing techniques, then resuming your (one-sided) conversation with the seagulls.

7. Networking

Connecting with fellow writers, then immediately comparing yourself to them, followed by curling into the foetal position.

8. Analysing book sales reports

Compulsively checking book sales and sales ranking, and returning to the foetal position.

9. Requesting reviews

Sending your book to other bookworms for free, so they can rip your writing to shreds in the public domain. (Or happily, NOT.)

10. Persevering

Trying, failing, writing, rewriting, growing, learning. It sucks and it exhilarates you, in equal measures, but you do it anyway, because you love being a writer, and you cannot imagine NOT being one. JUST. KEEP. GOING.

 

And if you’re looking for something a little less… ridiculous and a little more helpful, check out my FAQ post for writing tips that don’t involve seagulls. Visit that post here: FAQs: Why are you a writer? How do I become a writer? And more…

 

writing. perseverance. 10 Things a Writer Says and What It REALLY Means

ON WRITING BY STEPHEN KING

GENRE: MEMOIR | PAGES: 367

My rating: ★★★★

Stephen King   has the writer’s toolbox of tips to end all toolboxes, all tips, and then some. He doesn’t offer the vague and generic bullsh*t like most how-to books do. Instead, On Writing is packed with insightful, and more importantly, practical guidelines on how to improve your writing craft. He doesn’t beat around the bush, he doesn’t sugarcoat sh*t; what he does is gives it to you straight, and he insists that as a writer, you should be aiming to do the same for your readers. The theme of faithful storytelling, of truth, runs through this book and all of the advice therein. As far as storytelling is concerned, there is no black and white—only story—and it is the writer’s job to tell it.

This book is one of those books you wish you’d read ten years ago. There are moments in here where you read something and think: ‘Holy crap! I do that!’, and for a second, it occurs to you that you must be doing something right, if only because it’s happened to Stephen bloody King. And if that doesn’t get you going, there’s this:

“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.”

That’s the kick up the a** we ALL need, right?

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft has become my dog-earred, thumbed-to-death reference/guidebook/bible. I haven’t read this just once—I’ve read multiple passages a thousand times over—and I doubt there will ever be another book on writing worthy enough to replace it. If there’s just ONE book you read on the craft, make it this one.

Needless to say, Stephen King has a new worshipping fan to add to his sky-high haystack. That dude rocks. (Now I just wish I had the balls to read his fiction. One day… *determined head-bob*)

“So okay—there you are in your room with the shade down and the door shut and the plug pulled out of the base of the telephone. You’ve blown up your TV and committed yourself to a thousand words a day, come hell or high water. Now comes the big question: What are you going to write about? And the equally big answer: Anything you damn well want.”
—Stephen King

 

See all reviews

 

 On Writing Stephen King book cover

 

On Writing: A Memoir is an autobiography and writing guide by Stephen King, published in 2000. It is a book about the prolific author’s experiences as a writer. Although he discusses several of his books, one doesn’t need to have read them or even be familiar with them to read On Writing.

How to Write a Novel by Nathan Bransford

GENRE: NON FICTION | PAGES: 236

My rating: ★★★★

How to Write a Novel: 47 Rules for Writing a Stupendously Awesome Novel That You Will Love Forever is a no-introductions-necessary guide to (… wait for it…) writing a novel; a frill-less, uncluttered collection of straightforward tips and advice on the entire process of book-writing. From the beginnings of that record-breaking awesome idea that just popped into your writerly brain in the shower—right through to the air-punching end when you’re too glad to rid yourself off the stupid sleep-stealing, sanity-crushing THING posing as a would-be book. (Love. Hate. Thin line.)

‘Writing is not always fun. It shouldn’t always be fun. You’re not doing it because it’s always fun. The only reason to write a novel is because you have some insane fire burning inside that years of therapy have been unable to extinguish, and you fear how disappointed you will be with yourself if you never do it. Or, you know, because you really, really want to do it. You have to want it. You have to work at it.’
Nathan Bransford

Nathan Bransford‘s blog has been a writing bible of sorts to me since first stumbling across it. So the idea of THIS? A whole BOOK that combines his stellar advice and humour in a writerly collection of rules? 

Yes, please!

Whether you’re merely entertaining the idea of starting to write (you fool!), or you’re already off and running (I don’t hate you, I promise), this book is a happy, helpful must-read.

I’m presently coming to the end of the Revision Fatigue zone of my long one-book journey, (otherwise known as Rewriting Chapter One #792), but having read How to Write a Novel, it’s comforting to know that everything up to this point in my journey is, as far being as a writer is concerned, completely normal. Even the ‘borderline psychopathy’. 

Just kidding…

(I’m not kidding.)

‘There will come a time in the course of writing a novel where you would rather rip off your toenails and light them on fire than write one more word. This is normal.’Nathan Bransford

Bottom line:
If you are a writer…
If you want to be a writer…
If you used to be a writer, but your half-formed manuscript tortured you into the pits of despair…
this book is for you.

It offers up a plethora of insightful information, and honest, useful, realistic advice. This is easily one of my favourite books on the craft, and with good reason. 

 

See all reviews

 

How to Write a Novel

 

The most important thing to know about writing a novel is this: You can do it. And if you’ve already written one, you can write an even better one. Author and former literary agent Nathan Bransford shares his secrets for creating killer plots, fleshing out your first ideas, crafting compelling characters, and staying sane in the process. Read the guide that New York Times bestselling author Ransom Riggs called “The best how-to-write-a-novel book I’ve read.

banner img write for yourself

Earlier this month, I came across a post thread in a writing forum commenting on the release of Stephenie Meyer’s new book, the gender-reversed Twilight, Life and Death.

The original poster implied that this was nothing more than ‘a lazy way to make more money of an already successful idea’. Before I say anything further, let’s make one thing clear: I love Twilight, but I have long been an avid reader of all types of literature, and as a reader, and a writer, I am fully aware of the flaws in the Twilight series. I am not, nor have I ever been a ‘Twi-hard’ fan (whatever that means), but I enjoyed the story—also, obsessive perv or not, I had, and still have, an unhealthy crush on the immortal Edward. That said, this post is not a defence of Twilight; it is an observation on the criticisms writers face, and my two cents on the subject.

All jobs are tough in their own way; in the case of those in the creative industry—namely, the writer—the writing itself, as simultaneously joyful and irritating as it often is, is only the tip of the iceberg. The ridiculously frustrating journey from brain to page is nothing compared to acknowledging the personal experience your book might bring a reader. Personally, I love reading or hearing about multiple interpretations of a single story—it’s fascinating how much our values and social differences influence the way we perceive many things. You can read my post on the perception of ‘stupid’ characters here. 

Equally fascinating is the way these individual perceptions are received by others. 

Have you ever truly enjoyed a book, and like the proud nerd you might be, gushed about it to someone else, only to be ripped to shreds because the book, according to them, is just ‘utter crap’?

Or maybe you didn’t gush about it. Maybe you overheard a discussion about a certain book, and recognising the downright vicious criticism of it, decided not to mention your initiation into said book’s fandom…

If none of these apply–great.

It means you haven’t been subjected to someone whose concept of book standards goes something like this: ‘I didn’t like it; therefore it must be crap. Everyone, listen up: this book is crap. If you are seen reading it, I will assume you are an idiot.’ 

THIS ↑↑↑ is idiotic.

 
Case in point: I happen to hate exercise, but we all know that despite my intense hatred, exercise is, and will continue to be, a positive part of a healthy lifestyle (of which I am not at all familiar with, btw). If a percentage of readers hate a book, this does not—and should not—equate to the standard of the book. The remaining percentage who might love the same book will often speak for itself. 
This brings me to that forum post I mentioned. The original poster of the discussion—a writer—implies that Stephenie Meyer was milking the idea—trying to squeeze more money out of fans. Several follow-up comments even wondered how the book made any money in the first place.
 
Here’s the thing, though: 
No one is forced to buy a book—any book. Readers choose books because they happen to love them, or at least, think/hope they will. Assuming they don’t, there will be plenty of writer-bashing from reviewers without fellow writers having to chip in. When one writer calls another writer lazy, it makes me want to crawl under my desk and stay there, binge-eating ice-cream. We, as writers, are all in the same boat—okay, Stephanie Meyer has a much bigger boat, sure—a luxury yacht, probably, whilst we have a raft made by Tom Hanks and Wilson—but dammit, we KNOW the joy of finishing a manuscript… and we ALL dread the awful, inevitable backlash of bad reviews or bone-crushing criticism. We expect it from reviewers, editors, agents… from READERS. So why on earth would we want to add to all this dread, and start doing it to one another?

 

I can’t say whether I will ever read the new Twilight, but I disagree that re-writing it is just a ‘lazy way to cash in’. I don’t believe there IS a way to ‘cash-in’, and if there is, by jeebus—please let me know what it is. Maybe I’m naive, but I feel a story has to actually be good to create a fanbase, whether through luck, marketing, or the actual storytelling. In this case, the interest of the fans speaks for itself. 

The bottom line? 

If an author WANTS to rewrite their OWN STORY from the perspective of a bloody tree, it’s their call. Others may love it, hate it, buy it, or burn it—but more power to the writer for writing what they love regardless. 

Love or hate Stephenie Meyer—on this occasion, I salute her. 

EDIT: This post was written around the time I decided to take writing seriously. Before that, blogging to me was nothing more than journalling. And writing was no more than a hobby and a pipe-dream. I keep this post as a reminder to myself to keep going. I should also clarify that the title ‘don’t dream, just write’ is merely emphasising the need for action.  By no means should you or I ever give up the dream, whatever that may be.

*******

Hello, Internet Diary of sorts… you trusty, patient fool, you! 

I only just went and broke the record for the longest waiting time ever between the first date and the ever elusive callback—and you’re still bloody here! Brownie points for you, my friend. In total, it’s been about seven years now, since I first met you, and told you my name. Hell, I still had the name of my youth then… come to think of it, I still had youth itself back then and all. 2008… *looks wistfully into space* 

So—did you bloody miss me?

No, no you didn’t, did you? 

Ah, well. Let’s not hold grudges. I didn’t exactly keep my end of the deal, did I? See—the thing is: I had really good intentions and a really well-nursed dream, and I thought to myself: all I need to do is set this shit up, whack a few bells on this baby, and just like that, things will fall into place. It’s the perfect plan, I thought to myself like a smug twit. 

So… I sit myself down in front of my lovely white page, on my lovely standard template, and I sit and sit, and think and think, and my head is suddenly filled with sand—and the blank page looks a brighter shade of white the more I stare at it, and slowly, I start to realise:

I have no fucking idea what I’m doing!

Obviously, you can see just how well-adjusted I am, since it took me about six years to recover my writing mojo after that.

“I thought to myself: all I need to do is set this shit up, whack a few bells on this baby, and just like that, things will fall into place. It’s the perfect plan, I thought to myself like a smug twit.”

 

Of course, as you well know, Internet, I came back last October—and did little more than copy and paste pretty much every single book review I’ve ever done on Goodreads in those last six years. If I’m being honest—in the dating world, that would equate to what?—a few late night booty calls maybe… at best… *sigh*

It’s not so much that the idea of an audience scared me, since as an aspiring author I fantasise about this on a regular, if not daily basis—it’s just that everything I’ve written has been gathering virtual dust for years—yes, even MORE years than these last six slash seven—and when that dusty, old crap does see the light of day it’s usually so I can wrangle with it, draft some more—edit and revise until my eyes start to bleed and my sanity is at breaking point. 

THIS jiggery-bloggery on the other hand… this is different. This is odd. For the love of all that is good and chocolatey, I haven’t got a clue what I’m MEANT to be doing, let alone actually getting started on doing it! What do I write about?—do I stick to my ‘field’, or do I be more personal? How should I write it? Should I be myself, and be open and engaging—or should I edit it to death, and try for professionalism? [Pah! Perish the thought!]

I don’t know where to draw the line on the bloodied-eyes scenario, and I struggle with the concept of that fine line between being myself and trying to keep it professional. Obviously, I should probably keep SOME cans of worms firmly shut, because quite frankly, some of that shit is just plain scary; yet, that which scares us is usually the very thing worth writing about. I guess I just need to find some balance, and sheer nerve… and I need to start thinking less about the ‘correct’ way to do this, and just bloody DO IT. 

So here I am. I’m here and I’m staying and I’m writing. 

shonamoyce.com

“that which scares us is usually the very thing worth writing about.”

 

Sometimes I’ll post serious topics because I do actually have a brain, contrary to everything this post suggests; and sometimes I’ll post crap, and if you don’t like it, people of Internet Land, I’ll just have to suck it up, won’t I? Because I’m a writer. And writers edit, and then they edit, and edit, and edit some more, until they suck a bit less, and dammit, if nothing else, this will be good development for that thick writerly skin everyone is always talking about.  

All of this, of course, is really only relevant on the off-chance that this blog ever generates interest in which case, if it doesn’t, the only real concern here is the fact that I’m about to cut a large chunk out of my time each week to ‘talk’ to myself. Ah well, what’s one more step on the path to glorious insanity?

Overall, I would just like to say, Internet: I am sorry to have been a plonker and a chicken-shit of the highest order, but I am back now, and I’m about to be a brilliantly delightful, UNSMUG twit (yep, still a twit), and my dream: now pulled out from under the bed—watered, fed, dusted, given an enema, etc—we are doing this thing! IN REAL LIFE this time, dammit!

Incidentally, prepare yourself—

Cans… opening…

Worms… EVERYWHERE.